What do I do now?

I have read books, heard sermons and listened to friends talk about living your life “on purpose.” I have to admit, I really didn’t understand. Not really. I understood in theory, just not in practice. In theory it sounds great to live your life on purpose, but how exactly does one do that. Especially when one doesn’t know what his or her purpose is.

I had the great privilege of talking with a sweet friend. She is the sort of person that everyone is attracted to, everyone wants to get to know and everyone wants to learn from. From this conversation, I came out with my first realization of living my life on purpose, and what it means.

I am a planner and an organizer. If you know me moderately well, you laugh because my life does not appear to have much in the way of a plan or organization. If you know me really well you laugh hard because you KNOW my life doesn’t have much of a plan or any organization. You also know that it is true, I am a planner, I love to organize (people and events that is, not stuff!)

To a person who likes to plan and organize (did I mention control?), if one is going to have a purpose and live life for said purpose, that involves lots of planning for that purpose, organizing events to reflect that purpose. I had no purpose. I couldn’t plan or organize to achieve some lofty purpose, because I just didn’t see it. A purpose needs to be big, needs to be lofty, needs to be desired by others, right?

I realized today, for the first time, I have been living with a purpose. In my pursuit to find that big purpose, I was missing it. I kept thinking to myself “The only purpose I can see for the next 20 years is training my children.” Yet, I was failing to see the true purpose in that. I knew it was enough. It was lofty, important, something many desire to do. Why didn’t it seem to be right? Without realizing it, my sweet friend showed me my purpose was more, and apparently, I have been living it without knowing it. Now that I know it, I intend to live it more, well purposefully!

My purpose is beyond raising and training my children. Not that that isn’t good enough, but well, it isn’t good enough. My purpose is to honor God in all that I do and show His light to my children and the world around me through my relationships, primarily with my family.

I couldn’t see why God was doing certain things in my life, good things, but confusing things. I didn’t understand what I was to do. If God is doing these things, why me? And what do I do to prepare for what he wants? I now think I finally understand. I need to stop trying to figure out what to do tomorrow, next week, next month. I need to do that which God is calling me to today. That is how he is using me in my little world now, and that is how I will end up in the destination he has called me, and our family, to in the future!

Thank you dear, sweet friend for you ear, your kindness and your heart. And thank you for listening to God’s voice and being the model for the life I so desperately wanted to live, but just didn’t understand.


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